| Manners for Men |
for unbroken voices, keyboards
and percussion ensemble [c.15']
script:
Peter Wesley-Smith
music:
Martin Wesley-Smith
commissioned by Methodist Ladies College,
Burwood, Sydney, 1998
based on the book Manners for Men,
by Mrs Humphry ("Madge" of "Truth"),
first published by James Bowden, London, in 1897
list of songs | libretto | first performance details | bottom
scored for
soloists
two choirs ("girls" and "boys")
piano (four hands), doubling synth (harpsichord/organ)
optional: percussion ensemble (four players)
songs
Manners for Men
Girls, Boys
Woman's Ideal Man
A Gentleman Doesn't
Ladies Are Socially Superior
Manners for Girls
Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
libretto
Note: words in italics are spoken, not sung
solo girl:
What do boys need?
all:
Manners!
solo girl:
What do men need?
all:
Manners!
solo girl:
What book should they read?
all:
Manners for Men
Boys and girls start a general rabble, controlled by the conductor (each hand controls its side of the hall, with height indicating volume and density of the noise). A boy yells "Teacher's coming!!" and there is sudden silence and order. Fanfare. Enter Mrs Wobblebottom, their teacher.
Mrs W:
Boys and girls! Good evening!
all:
Good evening, Mrs Wobblebottom!
Mrs W:
Settle down, now. Today's lesson is the book of etiquette you're all supposed to have read for your homework. Though it was published a hundred years ago it still has a great deal to teach us. Pay attention, Jimmy! One day even you might be a gentleman! You remember the title - don't you, Susan? - it's by "Madge" of "Truth" and it's called Manners for Men.
top |
libretto |
list of songs |
first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith |
Peter Wesley-Smith |
bottom
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | Manners for Men |
| girls: |
Manners for men
Etiquette for gentle johnnies Savoir faire for squires and gentry Protocol for polished, couth, attentive, gracious, decent, cultured, well-bred, chivalrous, smoothly gallant, cultivated chaps |
| Mrs W: | Manners for Men Manners for Men Society has decreed them Manners for Men Lord knows our fellows need them |
| This manual of etiquette No other guide surpasses It tells you how to be just like The educated classes |
| top | libretto | list of songs | first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith | Peter Wesley-Smith | bottom |
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | Girls, Boys (interleaved with Manners for Men) |
| boys: | Girls, girls, girls, girls Annoyingly neat And cloyingly sweet |
| girls: |
Boys, boys, boys, boys As wobbly as jelly With smelly flat feet! |
| Mrs W: | No no! That's not it at all! |
|
To learn discernment - to perceive From out of the muck the brasses Like Viscounts, Barons, Earls, and other Paterfamiliasses | |
| boys: |
Girls, girls, girls, girls The whole truth to tell They're way past their sell- by date! |
| girls: |
Boys, boys, boys, boys As comely as chilblains They're dillbrains as well - mate! |
| Mrs W: | Well, I must say the girls give as good as they get! |
|
To save you from embarrassment From fluffs and faults and farces Like vulgar French pronunciation And other such faux passes | |
| boys: |
Girls, girls, girls, girls So far off the pace They're not in the race |
| girls: |
Boys, boys, boys, boys As boring as butter An utter disgrace! |
| Mrs W: |
Manners for Men Manners for Men Society has decreed them Manners for Men Manners for Men Lord knows our fellows need them |
| But really, children, this won't do. I want the girls - just the girls this time - no interruptions from the boys - to tell us what the book says about the ideal man. Listen, boys, you might learn what you must become to take your place in society. |
| top | libretto | list of songs | first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith | Peter Wesley-Smith | bottom |
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | Woman's Ideal Man |
| girls: |
We shall endeavour to describe As briefly as we can That paragon of taste and breeding Woman's Ideal Man |
|
He's first of all a gentleman To every fault he's blind He's thoughtful, true, and tender-hearted Courteous and kind | |
|
A man of great refinement Whom neatness all pervades Respectful to his social betters Gentle with the maids | |
|
He's never late for dinner, or Imbibes excessive wine In every manner he conforms To woman's grand design | |
|
A man of suave gentility His garments spick and span With 'if you please' and 'thank you, ma'am' He's Woman's Ideal Man! | |
| Mrs W: | Well done, ladies! Now, boys, horrid little creatures that you are, it's your turn - what is it a gentleman - a real one - what is it he doesn't do? |
| boy: | Aw, do we have to, Mrs Wobblebottom? |
| Mrs W: | Of course you do - and don't be impertinent. Your whole future may depend on this. Imagine if you weren't admitted to the Lord Mayor's Ball? If you don't learn to be a gentleman, even the Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras might refuse you admission! |
| boys: | Alright, then: |
| top | libretto | list of songs | first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith | Peter Wesley-Smith | bottom |
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | A Gentleman Doesn't |
| boys: | A gentleman doesn't Reek of old tobacco |
| girls: | Yuck! |
| boys: | He's daintily, exquisitely clean |
| girls: | Yes sir! |
| boys: | He'll always raise his topper To a lady very proper- Ly and treat a mem-sahib like a queen |
| girls: | Right on, man! |
| boys: | A gentleman doesn't Walk with hands in pockets Or wear a dinner jacket at a play |
| girls: | No way! |
| boys: | He'll never be offensive Or behave most reprehensive- Ly no matter what you do or say |
| girls: | Yay! |
| boys: | He's fair and square and true that way |
| girls: | OK! |
| Mrs W: | A gentleman doesn't Gallop past a lady Or enter into dinner wearing gloves |
| all: | Wearing gloves! |
| Mrs W: | He'll never make a false step In a foxtrot or the waltz-step And he'll only kiss the lady he loves |
| girls: | Aaaaah! |
| Mrs W: | A gentleman doesn't Mumble to his hostess Or carry an umbrella in a case |
| all: | In a case! |
| Mrs W: | With dowagers and beauties He accepts his social duties With a self-assured repose and grace |
| all: | And grace! |
| Mrs W: | He intimately knows his place!
|
| girls: | A proper miss doesn't Frolic with the butler Or lift her skirts when riding on a bus |
| boys: | Or on a tram! |
| girls: | In ev'ry house and forum She must act with due decorum She should model her behaviour on us |
| boys: | Yes, ma'amselles! |
| girls: | A proper miss doesn't Dally with a roué Or sit upon the ghastly fellow's knee |
| boys: | Unless he's me! |
| girls: | Or meet with a musician Without Dad's express permission Or accept a fancy gem for free |
| all: | Especially if she's MLC!! |
| Mrs W: | Ah yes, we're learning. Well, boys: what do you have to say about girls now? |
| boys: | Girls, girls, girls, girls They're wussy and small And can't throw a ball |
| girls: | Boys, boys, boys, boys They're mad as a hatter They sadly don't matter At all |
| boys: | Girls, girls, girls, girls They all wish to be A he not a she |
| girls: | Boys, boys, boys, boys They're brawling They're pimply and bawling They're simply appalling To see - you see that |
| top | libretto | list of songs | first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith | Peter Wesley-Smith | bottom |
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | Ladies Are Socially Superior |
| girls: | Ladies are socially superior Such morality, geniality |
| boys: | Illogicality! |
| girls: | Such charm! |
| While men are utterly inferior: Such venality, animality, so ill-mannered | |
| boys: | What? Us? So ill-mannered? Woh! As if we care! |
| girls: | Ladies are paragons of charity Such precocity, generosity |
| boys: | An atrocity! |
| girls: | Such grace! |
| While men are bearers of barbarity Such pomposity, unctuosity, so indecent! | |
| boys: | What? Us? So indecent? Gee, that doesn't seem fair! |
| girls: | Ladies are paradigms of purity So pragmatical, systematical |
| boys: | Autocratical! |
| girls: | So clean! |
| But men can offer us security So practical, diplomatical, such bank accounts! | |
| boys: | Yes! Correct! Money, security - we're willing to share! |
| girls: | Provided they are men of good society So attendant on and dependent on the ladies |
| boys: | The ladies! |
| girls: | Strong men of consummate propriety AND IF YOU EVER SEE ONE PLEASE LET US KNOW IMMEDIATELY! |
| Mrs W: | Exactly what the book says! |
| boys: | Girls, girls, girls, girls It's still in dispute But sometimes they're cute |
| girls: | Boys, boys, boys, boys Though unprepossessing Usually depressing Even distressing They're sometimes a blessing And simply impressive- Ly, even excessive- Ly beaut! |
| Mrs W: | That's getting better! But smarten up, boys - girls are not just "cute", they're warm and wise and wonderful (take me, for example). And they're not merely useful to have around the house - they're bright and talented, the equal of boys in most things, superior in others - they have class! |
| top | libretto | list of songs | first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith | Peter Wesley-Smith | bottom |
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | Manners for Girls |
| Mrs W: | A proper miss mustn't Use immodest language Or let a simple plumber presume |
| For if she were to marry Any Thomas, Dick or Harry She would rapidly descend to her doom | |
| A proper miss isn't Handy in the tool-shed Or even with a pot or frying pan | |
| girls: | We'd rather, we admit A spunky hunk like Bradley Pitt To any so-called Woman's Ideal Man |
| (A gentleman looks simp- Ly like a woman's ideal wimp Instead of modern woman's ideal man) | |
| (We'd donate lots of hard dough For a Brad or Leonardo As the modern woman's ideal man) | |
| boys: | Girls, girls, girls, girls Worth ten out of ten We all have a yen for them |
| girls: | Boys, boys, boys, boys They're noble, |
| boys: | Delicious, |
| girls: | Ambitious, |
| boys: | Nutritious, |
| girls: | True-blue, |
| boys: | Tender-hearted, |
| girls: | (And eas'ly out-smarted) |
| boys: | We're steadfast and trusty, |
| girls: | They're loyal |
| boys: | And lusty, |
| girls: | Devoted, |
| boys: | Imperious, |
| girls: | Jocular, |
| boys: | Serious, |
| girls: | Clever and knowing |
| boys: | And so easy-going, |
| girls: | And what's more they grow into Men! |
| boys: | Yes we do! |
| girls: | They grow into Men! |
| Mrs W: | At last! Very good, boys and girls - a great advance in the relations between the sexes! You've got it right! |
| top | libretto | list of songs | first performance details | Martin Wesley-Smith | Peter Wesley-Smith | bottom |
Ladies Are Socially Superior | Manners for Girls | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened
| SONG: | Since Heaven's Door Was Opened |
| girls: | Since heaven's door was opened, since earthly time began Does Man maketh manners or do manners maketh Man? Is 'Madge' of 'Truth' a tyrant who binds us with her pen Or does her counsel liberate both women and their men? |
| Do women insist on etiquette while a man forgoes his soul? Does men's compliance merely hide men's ultimate control? Form or substance? Mere appearances? If you can Please advise: tabDoes "Madge" of "Truth"'s book "Manners" - "Manners for Men" - maketh Man? | |
| boys: | It worked with us! |
| all: | Manners for Men! |
